How the… Why?

Welcome back to Simply Paradise & Haven!


“What are you doing in the dumpster?”

“Looking for air fresheners. What do you think I’m doing? I’m looking for your keys!”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you-”

“NO! Don’t say it! I don’t want to know where you found them. But you better help me out of here and fast!”

Susan helped her friend Melissa out of the dumpster.

“What were you doing in there, anyway?”

“You said the last time you saw your keys were in the kitchen. After going through all of the cabinets, drawers, refrigerator, freezer, and trash, I decided to check the dumpster. Your trash was empty and it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve thrown something important away.”

Melissa froze mid-step.

Susan turned but before she could ask.

“What were you doing at the dumpster?”

Susan flushed.

“I found my keys, but now I can’t find my phone.”

Melissa sighed, it wouldn’t be the first time Susan had thrown her phone away.

Melissa turned about-face and returned to the dumpster. But before either one of them dived back in, she pulled out her own phone.

Soon enough, a familiar ring-tone started playing.

But it wasn’t coming from the dumpster. Melissa turned, hand on her hip, eyebrow cocked.

Susan flushed once more, digging in the pocket on the side of her right leg.

“Oh, there it is!”

The two women started heading back to Susan’s apartment.

“Why do you wear cargo pants when you have a hard enough time keeping track of everything already.”

“I keep hoping I’ll start keeping hte important things in my pocket and then I’ll know where they are.”

“That only works for one, things that fit in those pockets, and 2, if you actually use the pockets. I swear, if your head wasn’t attached…”

Susan smiled sheepishly.

The next day, Melissa received a call from an unknown number.


Susan’s melodic voice came across the line, “Hi, ‘Lissa.”

“Susan? What number are you calling from?”

“The office of the apartment complex. I can’t find my phone again. I was wondering if you could give me a ride.”

“Lose your keys again?!”


“Run out of gas?”


“Driver’s license?”

“In my back pocket, in that titanium wallet you got me.”

“Then why do you need a ride? and where do you think your phone is?”

“I don’t know, I can’t find it anywhere in my apartment nor the dumpster. I think it must be in my car.”

“And why do you need a ride? Are you locked out of your car?”

“No, I have my keys. I should be able to get in. But I lost my car.”

Dead silence for several minutes.

Susan finally had to speak, “‘Lissa? Are you still there?”

“You lost your car. Not in the manner of gambling or falling down on a debt and having it seized. You’ve lost your car like you lose everything else?”

“Yep. I can’t remember where I parked it last night and it’s not in its usual parking spot I always use.”

“Was it stolen?”

Susan paused in thought, “I don’t think so.”

A few moments passed by before, “I’m on my way.”

Shortly after Melissa arrived at the office of Susan’s apartment complex, a police cruise pulled into the parking lot.

“Who’s that?”

“I called the police on my way here. If it was stolen, they can find it. If you lost it, they’ll find it easier than we will.”

“Oh… that makes sense.”

As Susan turned to the officer, Melissa sighed silently. She loved her friend but she wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box which could be quite aggravating on top of her tendency to lose everything.

A week later, Susan pulled into Melissa’s driveway.

Melissa raised an eyebrow at the car in her driveway and met Susan at the door.

“Where’s your car?”

“This is my car.”

“Did the police not find it?”

“No, they did.”

“Was it stolen?”

“Yes and no.”

Melissa just looked at her before Susan got the hint.

“Oh, it turns out I forgot I drove to the mall the day before. I ran into Mamie at the mall and we decided to take in a movie before she drove me home. The police found my car but it was in a car garage that they were doing a drug bust on. One of the officers looking over the report later recognized the license plate from the missing car report. But there was nothing left of the car, it was completely stripped other than the license plate. So my insurance sent me a check for what it was worth and I bought that car. Oh, before I leave, I need to give you my new number. My phone was gone and the police recommended I get a new one with a new number in case someone did something with mine.”

Melissa stared at Susan for a long moment before shaking her head and letting Susan in. Only her friend. Only Susan could lose her car and end up with a new car and phone out of it.

Well, Susan is certainly a piece of work. But I’m sure we all know someone like her. Have you ever known someone who’s had something like that happen to them? OR something completely off the wall? Let me know below!

Til next week!

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